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Camping Tips
Some helpful......others, well.......just plain silly!
....NEVER, EVER camp nude in a mesquito infested area. Watch for more to come..........
Asked of a Park Ranger at Grand Canyon National Park: "Is the mule train air conditioned?"
When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.
Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking
his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.
A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your
feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but
the cheese sticks between your toes.
The best backpacks are named for national parks or
mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.
While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years,
the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded.
Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.
Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable
campers to stay dry in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze,
cough, and belch, however, have been proven to add
absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience.
Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter.
Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.
You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always
grows on the north side of your compass.
You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll
by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.
The canoe paddle, a simple device used to propel a boat,
should never be confused with a gnu paddle, a similar
device used by Tibetan veterinarians.
When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives
you something to wipe your nose on.
Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping:
Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out
the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.
A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent
side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours
makes an excellent hockey puck.
In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness
by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the
elastic waistband of your underwear.
The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite
makes excellent kindling.
The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for
generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does
absolutely nothing for the eagle.
It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on
a winding mountain road behind a large motor home.
Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in
grizzly country. The tricky part is getting them on
the bears.
Speaking of bells.......
Nature Notice
In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fishand Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while inthe field. We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears thataren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter witha bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings. Black bear droppings is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear droppings has little bells in it and smells like pepper.
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